ofearthandstars | Entries tagged with access:public

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1. What do you like most: Fridays, Saturdays, or Sundays (and why)?

Probably Friday, because as work closes out it feels like everything is full of potential for the next day or so. That's not actually true, but I appreciate that my brain is tricked into "ah, finally, it's over!" by the calendar. Also, our end of week ritual is to watch a series episode together (previously it was Snowfall, currently it's Yellowjackets and enjoy dark and stormies.

2. What was the best weekend of your life?

This is an impossible question. I do not think there has been any "best weekend" (or day, or night) of my life. Perhaps that sounds passionless, but it's hard to weigh all the days of my life and pick a "best".

3. What weekend of the year is your favorite?

Also a hard ask. Maybe the last weekend of the year when both L. and I usually have time off from work together. We do the final holiday prep and then relax post-holidays in that weird quasi-state of "what day is it?" for a little while before we get back to the grind. Also New Year's is without a doubt my favorite "holiday", although it doesn't necessarily fall on the weekend, I am all about letting go of the old and diving into the new.

4. Do you have any weekend routines?

For certain! Every other Saturday is a household cleaning day - the kitchens and bathrooms get deep cleaned, the rugs and towels are washed, and the main room/dining room/master get dusted/vacuumed/wiped down, and all the floors are swept/mopped. Sundays are typically our meal planning and grocery shopping days. I update the household budget sheets and plan out my next week.

5. Describe your ideal Saturday night.

Someone else is cooking dinner - maybe a trip to Fiction Kitchen, or L. is making southwest eggrolls. Movies and snuggle time on the couch later. It's the simple stuff, I don't need a lot. Tonight is not that night - L. has prom duty and so will be away part of the evening, so I'm cooking dinner and I might tuck into a tricky work project while he's gone, if I don't elect to read/practice Spanish. I've been outside in the pollen for too much of the day while we work on the cars (the Honda is back up and running, Littlest's car is still in stripping down mode), so need a shower to get the pollen off.

From this week's

thefridayfive:

1. If you were a crayon, which color would you want to be?

I am a dark teal, useful for coloring both the deep forest and the sea.

2. Which color do you think you would be regardless of what you wanted?

Probably grey, but with all the pock marks and dents and flecks of color from being bashed against the other colors.

3. Would you rather be used and get blunt, broken and lose your wrapper, or not be used and stay pristine?

My anxiety battles between needing order and needing to feel useful. (Although Littlest says this answer depends on whether one feels pain while being used.)

4. Would you rather be in a small set of crayons or a large set?

Safety and resources in numbers!

5. Would you rather be Crayola, or a different brand?

I feel like this is where I need to go on a deep dive to confirm that Crayola isn't, like, financing an underground slave trade in South America somewhere (or other horrible behavior), but I have never found a different brand of crayons that weren't too hard/dry.

Last week's

thefridayfive:

1. Did the house where you grew up have a newspaper delivered regularly? I don't specifically remember this, though I do have vague memories of searching for and poring over the Sunday comics, so at some point we must have either had a subscription or picked the paper up from somewhere. I have stronger memories of magazine subscriptions - copies of Time or Newsweek (before Newsweek took its swan dive) and National Geographic that would arrive to the house, glossy and shiny, and we'd save stacks and stacks of them for school projects.

2. Have you ever subscribed to an actual print newspaper? No, but oddly enough, when we lived in Smithfield, there was a "free" town paper that was distributed. It was mostly used to line the shelves of the crispers in the fridge and to support the boys' science projects.

3. When was the most recent time you physically picked up and read a newspaper? Our local grocer still carries the state newspaper - occasionally I'll pause to read the headlines, mostly to see what they find newsworthy, but I haven't bought a paper in years.

4. Do you pay for news online now? No. I often think that I should pick up at least one subscription - perhaps The Guardian or The Atlantic. Most of what qualifies for print journalism in the U.S. is disturbingly controlled by money incentives which are complicit in our political decline, which is in part why we are where we are. I do vaguely wonder if lack of subscriptions for news drives the dependence on more nefarious moneyed interests, but it seems ads and revenue have driven the papers, and subsequently the politics, for time immemorial.

5. Do you have any saved newspaper clippings? Perhaps somewhere, amongst my parents' old things that I am unable to part with - I have a few photo albums from their house that may contain newspaper clippings from our childhoods - things like science fair wins or academic awards that published to the tiny local paper. But beyond that, I haven't carried on the practice as an adult.

From last week's

thefridayfive:

1. Would you rather have a fun job that doesn't pay well or a boring job that does? I have always been someone who needed a job that was fulfilling and interesting over a job that paid more. If that weren't the case, I'd be driving a much newer car and living in a much bigger house and probably have a better skin care routine.

2. Would you sacrifice your morals for a job? I am currently trying very hard not to.

3. Would you ever take a job that requires you to be in costume? Pretty much anytime I am on camera I feel like I am in "costume", which is a shirt I haven't slept in, and preferably a touch of mascara.

4. What is your fantasy job? Working with a region/state/county/city/community to develop climate adaptation and harm reduction strategies. Or best-selling author. Or both!

5. Would you like fries with that? Always yes to potatoes. Always. More answers here

Today we discovered that we live only *three minutes* from American Wildlife Refuge (seriously, I could walk), who was having a V-owl-entine's Day event open to the public with some of their education owls in attendance. Of course, this means I must photo dump, but it works out, because you get to see OWLS!

Getting in and out of the place was a bit dicey, as we have been under heavy downpours for the last couple of days, and the parking area (a field) was pure mud by the time we arrived. The car sank into mud as we pulled into our spot. The event was in a covered greenhouse, luckily, and the rain had *just* finally paused (it starts back up tonight). We gingerly made our way to the greenhouse (L. sinking down into the mud immediately, and Midd'un stopping to help a couple who were having trouble getting traction in their vehicle to leave). Inside the greenhouse there were a couple of vendor tables with rocks/crystals, wildlife themed jewelry, and falconry and rehabbing resources. There was also a small bouncy house and a magician entertaining young children. But the stars were several beautiful owls, carefully held by long-time volunteers, who were happy to tell us about their charges and answer our questions.

This is Rasputin. He is a permanent resident, and has been hit by a car twice, as well as shot with buckshot, and still survived. Hence the name.

( more! (+5 photos) )
Just before leaving, we walked the field trying to strategize how we would get out. While walking I sank down into mud that covered the top of my shoes and went up my pants leg. We were anxious, as we watched a number of vehicles get stuck (though kudos to the young gentleman with the Jurassic Park truck hauling everyone out of the mud)! Middl'un had also gone with us and helped a couple of cars to get through the torn up field. Finally, we were able, with the owner's permission, to pull through an area that had not been heavily trafficked and so were able to leave without too much drama. All in all, we probably spent about an hour and a half learning about the owls, and so even with the miserable weather and mud, I'm so glad we went!

In talking with the volunteers and owner, they welcomed us to come join them and volunteer at the refuge and/or for help with retrieval and transport of injured birds. I picked up some information so I could check it out - with it being so close to us, it would be a great opportunity.

This week's

thefridayfive, from here.

1. What's your favorite fruit or vegetable to look at?

Strawberries are of course very aesthetically pleasing, but also curly kale, red cabbage, broccoli, red and yellow bell pepper, and pumpkin.

2. What's your favorite juice?

Probably tart cherry juice. I don't drink juice much at all (I find them too acidic), and only rarely buy tart cherry juice, mostly for running recovery, but it's a tad pricey.

3. What fruit tree would you like to have in your yard?

I currently have a crabapple, but I believe paw paw is native and would be fun. I also frequently think of planting blueberry bushes as a hedgerow along the back of the property, but haven't committed.

4. What vegetable name do you think makes the best nickname?

If legumes count, I'd have to say Sweet Pea. :D

5. What fruits and vegetables would your personal "fruit hat" contain?

Oranges, blueberries, green grapes, raspberries, strawberries, sweet potato, avocado, curly kale, and purple cabbage. I don't know, I could make many "fruit hats" of many varieties - the produce section is the most gorgeous section of any grocery, by far.

Just a few pictures/follow up on today's trail exploration. We returned to the Bailey and Sarah Williamson preserve, which is only about 20 minutes away, and has a number of loop trails that we haven't gotten around to exploring. We wanted to try the Magnolia Run trail, which, per the map, looked like a 4-mile squirrelly/switchback-y trail usually indicative of sharp elevation changes. The only issues to getting to it is that it is only accessed by following a number of loop trails from the north end of the preserve, or by following the greenway along the river to a connector trail, jumping on a separate loop trail (the Salamander Loop), then finally arriving at the trailhead for the Magnolia (so, about a two mile hike from parking to start the trail, then the four miles through, then the two miles back). We've done 6-8 miles previously in Umstead, so thought it would be a good challenge, and we packed a bag with plenty of water and snacks for us and the dog, and even some first aid items and extra clothing.

As it turns out, the trail is shared with mountain bikers, and they are often flying through, up and down the many hills, curves, and even planned ramps and bike bridges that are scattered throughout. So part of our hike involved dodging those folks. We screwed up a little at the beginning by mis-reading the sign on the direction of hikers vs. bikers and runners, so there was about six-tenths of a mile we were having to watch our backs for bikers. We were able to right ourselves at the next loop, though, so it turned out okay.

I think both L. and I were a little underwhelmed at the trail, even though it was a beautiful day. It just seemed more attuned to bikers than hikers, and while there were plenty of turns, it felt more like wandering in circles than really being taken through a more varied geological terrain (there are lots of places along the trail in which you are parallel to or running up on other pieces of the trail, which feels redundant). Honestly, after the two-mile hike in and about three-and-a-half miles through the Magnolia Loop, we tired of the trek, and so took a short jaunt through the woods to dead-end on the greenway, which runs parallel to the south-side of the loop. Of course, we were still about three miles from the car at that point, so we had a long trek back either way, but the greenway was more direct. All in all, we were out and about for about 4 hours, so we got plenty of exercise.

And really - there were a few points of visual interest along the trail.

Magnolia Run 10-22-22

The walk along the greenway to get to the trail connector.

Some pics beyond the cut, and the rest in a Flickr album.( +5 )
After all of that, we came home quite tired; my hip flexors have definitely entered the chat and not shut up since. :P We considered going out to grab food, but had already packed the house with groceries earlier today, and didn't need to spend more. So L. graciously made my favorite easy Vietnamese tofu wraps, which were awesome.

I think tonight we'll wrap up watching The Midnight Club, and maybe can find something else appropriately spoopy to enjoy. Beyond that, I want to read more in my mushroom foraging book, too.

Hope all is well with you. ♥

Me, trying to be "social" by playing

thefridayfive, Star Stuff Edition:

1. How many stars can you see in the sky at night where you live? (Not looking for an exact number here, just a general description.) During spring and summer, not very many, but that is largely due to tree foliage. When fall truly hits and it's just the pines, and lower humidity, then we can see a lot more and I can usually make out a few constellations. If there's something we are trying to view, though, we usually have to walk down to the end of the drive, or in some cases out to the end of our street, to get to an area with enough open sky to really see things well. Even then it's a bit dodgy on the horizon due to light pollution from the north, though we still live in enough of a "countryside" location that it's not too bad.

2. What is your favorite constellation? Bahh, I don't know. Maybe the Pleiades? Although Cassiopeia is a surefire easy find and probably the first one I taught to my kids. Years ago I was much better at going out of doors with a guide or Stellarium in tow, though I haven't done it in a while.

3. Are you able to see and identify any planets in the sky? Which ones? Usually Venus, Mars, Jupiter, rarely Saturn. We used to have a nice telescope, but it unfortunately got buggered in storage.

4. Have you ever seen a satellite orbiting above the earth? Yes, we used to regularly track the Starlink satellites, as well as the ISS.

5. Have you ever seen a rocket blasted off into space? Not in person, unfortunately, but we regularly get excited over launches and will watch them broadcast if we are able. And of course, we used to build small little rockets (spouse being a high school chemistry/physics teacher) when the kids were younger for fun. Only once or twice did we set the lawn on fire.... That said, I would love to be able to watch a launch "live" (safe distance permitting and all). There has been the rare occasion where a launch has taken itself over a path within our viewing, but it's been a while since I've seen that. It's probably one of the rare things that I still feel childlike excitement about, even knowing that the impacts of the emissions aren't great.

Did you know that if you have an electrical outlet overheat in your home, it can smell fishy and/or like a dead animal? This is because the plastic components in the wall socket are often made of a urea-formaldehyde composite, that smells like death when it breaks down.

FYI, the smell will come and go from one day to the next - it may last a few minutes or a few hours, and sometimes it will disappear for a week only to return full vengeance -- all while you freak out about your cleaning skills, tear apart your cupboards, and entertain fears about the poor animal that may have climbed in your wall and died. It will intensify when there's a heavier load on the same circuit. Check the outlet. If it's hot, it's likely your culprit. Also, get it changed out ASAP, it is a huge fire hazard.

Today I made a (vegan) "smoky" cheeseball. It is glorious.

*Despite the title, this cheeseball contains no kale. I wouldn't do that to anyone!

Spoken word:

"Brenna Twohy - "Anxiety: A Ghost Story" (NPS 2015)" (Watch on YouTube)

This song makes me laugh and cry all at once:

"Adam WarRock "Broken People"" (Watch on YouTube)

This morning it sort of felt like I'd jumped off the great big cliff of anxiety and into the canyons of depression. In hindsight, I am probably grieving.

A few days ago we noticed that one of our hamster babies, Mini, was feeling a bit heavier. By Wednesday night I noticed that she had a severely swollen belly. I took her to a Banfield vet in Wake Forest yesterday and they were able to establish that her heart and lungs were healthy, but they recommended us to a different vet b/c they did not have the tools to make a true diagnosis. So this morning I drove Mini up to Avian & Exotic Animal Care in Raleigh, where they were able to get an x-ray and see what was going on in her tiny abdomen. (She was sedated for this because her although her first favorite past time is sleeping, her second is running.)

The news was not good. Based on the films and a more thorough abdominal exam (easier when a hammie is asleep), we're pretty certain that Mini has a tumor/mass on her liver. It's probably been there for some time, but it's likely only recently began growing more rapidly and encroaching on her other organs.

At this point, there is not a lot that can be done for her that is curative. That said, we have some medications and supplements that we will be giving her to help her quality of life (she is currently, for the most part, still eating/drinking and coming out to engage with us/obtain treats, although she is much slower and has a harder time carrying herself around). Although the medications we have will help manage her pain/swelling, it is anticipated that the tumor will progress.

I know it may seem a bit crazy to be so enamored with such a tiny creature, but we don't have dogs or cats or other pets. Our hamsters are our furbabies. We spoil them and they in turn spoil us with their affection and adorableness. Mini has only been around for a couple of years, but she is a most precious part of my life. Holding a sweet hammie after a long day at work or having one snuggle up against you to fall asleep (as seen here) is pretty good therapy, and she never seems to mind it, either.

I cannot begin to tell you how sad I am.

So my partner, L., has really fantastically taken over the cooking since it's been difficult for me to stand around the kitchen with all my weight on one leg and trying to carry plates/etc. with crutches in hand. He decided to not only cook, but to pull together what he called a "Vegan Around the World" menu that we've been enjoying. He's done the shopping, the prep work, and even come to the table armed with a few facts about each country/region the dish represents.

Here's the stuff we had last week:

Tofu Shrimp Scampi - Not as grand as we hoped, but still definitely edible. Just a bit lemony.
Squash and Black Bean Quesadillas - These are amaaaaazing. Cook the butternut squash first (instead of steaming) and it's easier to cut, and also super-nummy.
South African Roasted Beetroot Salad with Pecans - I was really surprised by this. I love beets, but the boys were dubious, and we all liked this. A little oily for me, though.
Coconut Curry - A curry is not a curry without coconut milk, amirite? :P
Pineapple Sweet & Sour Tofu - This was so good. L. went all out and bought a whole pineapple, so we had extra. Pretty sure L. has upstaged all of my cooking with this one.
French Onion Soup - Really lovely and comforting.
Brazilian Feijoda - L. found this too beany, but I really enjoyed the flavors.

Tonight I think we're going with General Tso's Tofu since we just finished watching The Search for General Tso.

I decided to help do some of the searching for the coming week and this is what we have for the que (am updating w/ reviews as we work through!):

Italian Farinata w/ Sundried Tomatoes and Olives - Tasty! The chickpea base reminded me a lot of cornbread, which I miss! I'd like to try with different toppings.
Morrocan Tagine
Lahmajun (Armenian/Turkish Pizza) or maybe this Armenian Eggplant Caserrole
Kenyan Pilau
Tempeh Reuben Sandwiches w/ Caramelized Onions - Sooooooo gooood. Make these, you will not regret it.
Nepalese Momo w/ Chili-Sesame Dipping Sauce or maybe this Nepalese Vegetable Paluo.
Carribean Gingered Butternut Squash, Rice, and Kale
Russian Ikra "Caviar"

Sure, many of these (especially having been veganized) may be more of an Americanized version, but I also tried to find traditional dishes that were "accidentally" vegan.

Now I am very hungry. And excited about dinner.

rainbow could use a little help with funds to help cover vet bills for kitty Jack. GoFundMe w/ rewards linked here.

Don't mind me, just meal planning for the week...

Vietnamese Tofu Wraps from Quick-Fix Vegan
Pizza Buns from Living the Farm Sanctuary Life (that entry fails to mention that you make a garlic-butter sauce to pour over these babies....)
Buffalo Ranch Caesar Salad from Salad Samurai
Creamy Spinach Lentils from Pinch of Yum (I will use veg broth and coconut milk in place of chicken broth and half-n-half)
Collard-Wrapped Yellow Rice Enchiladas from Wild About Greens
Coconut Bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwiches from The 30-Day Vegan Challenge

I think that is a good mix of good-for-your-body and good-for-your-soul. (Who am I kidding? The Pizza Buns are far from healthy but soooo good!)

Occasionally I wish there were a way to "favorite" DW posts to come back to them to read later. I realize there's both a) tabs in my browser window and b) the "memories" feature, but I occasionally wish I could do something similar to what I do with Twitter, which is to pin stuff I might not have time to read on the run and then come back to it later, where I can see all the pinned posts on a single page.

Tabs don't work well for that because I'd have 40,000 tabs open. Also, I read across multiple devices, and the tabs don't always sync up between devices based on the browswer. OneTab, which at least condenses everything to a single tab, doesn't really sync across browsers, either.

"Memories" is okay, except I like to keep "memories" more tailored towards, well, just that - stuff that you like so much that you want to keep it around forever and ever, and not just stuff that I want to set aside for a little bit.

I realize it's probably completely unworkable, but I can dream.

Bree Newsome is a total badass. I just watch this video and I cry and I laugh and I think this is the most beautiful piece of civil disobedience I've seen in a long time.

"#KeepItDown Confederate Flag Takedown" (Watch on YouTube)

And also her statement:

*jumps up and down and cries and laughs and skips around the yard*

No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right. The judgment of the Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit is reversed.

--Justice Anthony Kennedy, June 26, 2015

A little planning/jotting down - I bought a bunch of ingredients to make things, but I'm starting to forget what I wanted to make! Terrible, terrible planning this week.

-Peach Salad w/ Chipotle-Maple Dressing
-Spiced Sweet Potato Hummus
-Baba Ganoush with Roasted Veggies
-Thai Chickpea Almond Curry
-Chocolate Cherry Black Forest Smoothie and Pineapple, Mango, Banana, and Kale Smoothie
-Broccoli Fritters
-Pizza Potato Skins
-This is probably too much work and I'll never actually do it, but these ice cream snickers cakes

Also, I think I may have shared this in the past, but if not, don't be afraid to try these Chipotle Not-Chicken Salad Wraps. The salad comes together very quickly and is good by itself (though I love in the collard leaves, too.) Let me rephrase - it is fucking magical. I am a little addicted to it.

With all that in mind, it seems appropriate to share this awesome post from Shakesville: A Letter about Food and Judgement.

It feels like it's been several months (or maybe longer) since I've felt like, well, me. Despite the fact that I am actually a pretty positive/optimistic person and despite the fact that I'm mostly happy with my life (still want a house of my own, and maybe a change in job scenery, but not nearly motivated enough to do either of those things) - I often feel like I'm drowning under the anxiety and the negative voices. It's not so much that I feel depressed (although during particularly stressful times, or my favorite hormonal times, I sometimes do), but it's just that I don't always know who I am (or who I'm trying to be) anymore.

There are little things that add to it - the weight I seemed to have not-so-mysteriously put on, the terrible haircut that, even having grown out a bit, just does not feel like me, continuously losing the crap fight against my skin - I don't feel very attractive. And at other times, it's that I don't feel interesting - I've always suffered from the idea that I'm just not a creative, naturally talented and/or artistic person. I haven't picked up my guitar in ages. I worry that sometimes my ideas are just a mimicry of other opinions. Then there's the health crap - my stupid hip, which has been bothering me for almost two months and which I am sick of complaining about but which has pretty much taken one of my few releases from me; my inability to sleep through a night without interruption. Everything feels very mediocre, very not-good-enough.

I imagine that many people feel this way, and have to deal with a sort of clawing self-doubt that eats away at their happiness. I think what bothers me is that these feelings have been lingering a while. They often let up for a bit, as I find new things to amuse me and focus on those and the priorities. But I also worry that I've sort of accepted these self-criticisms and seem to be procrastinating on doing things that might make me feel better about myself. It's not that I don't practice self-care - I do, but it's mostly of the "have to have to get by" variety. I don't spoil myself in ways that count, but rather I make excuses of why a certain item/action will help lift my mood in a rather chaotic way. I keep thinking that there are things I could do to address my feeling unattractive; there are things I can do to exercise to gain some sanity (like cycling, if I can overcome the bike seat issues); there are things I can practice to try to challenge myself creatively.

But I'm just... exhausted. Not in a physical way. I have plenty of energy and am grateful for my health. It's more that ... I'm stuck in a sort of mental limbo of being where I don't know what comes next. So I'm just swimming. Just keep swimming swimming swimming. Which is okay, because sometimes when life is unpredictable or tumultuous, you need a good period of downtime and stability. But everything feels stale and kind of crummy, and I don't know what to do with that. I want to feel alive and passionate and interesting and sexy and fun and loveable and exciting. (And I know that I have people in my life that will tell me I am all of those things, which I am grateful for, but there's also the need to feel it on my own.) I don't know how to get myself to the point where I feel those things, where I have that confidence in myself again.

Maybe I need to set some goals, to find time to play, or just to sit and think about what it is I want to be doing with my time. I know I'm okay where I am, I just can't help but think that somewhere a better world is lurking.

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Of Earth and Stars

Entries tagged with access:public

Friday Five - Weekend Edition?

Friday Five, Crayon Edition

Friday Five, until Energy Arrives to Write More

Friday Five

OWLS OWLS OWLS OWLS OWLS!!!!!

Friday Five - Food Edition III

Magnolia Run Trail - somewhat of a letdown.

Friday Five

Maybe I'm not a disgusting housekeeper after all....

Kale yeah*.

Two anxiety-related things I have loved this week.

Sad day.

Food!

Signal-boosting

On deck: Eats for the Week

Wishful tweaking.

Good things.

ALL THE HAPPY TEARS

A list of foods I want to make.

I don't own my reflection.

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April 2025

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